Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I'm Scared...

Posted by Leslie at 11:52 PM
& not of what you might think. I'm scared of Milo being home. I am excited about him coming home soon, but at the same time I am extremely terrified. I have spent the first 6 weeks of my son's life watching him be cared for by other people. To ask if I can pick him up, change him, feed him. I am his mother but for this whole time it hasn't felt like it.

Can I do it? Can I care for him? He has had monitors to keep track of things. I am doing my best to watch for his signals. So far, even when he has brady spells, his color never changes. Without those monitors.. will I know when I stimulate him? Will I be checking on him every 10 minutes to make sure he is still breathing at night? I am a mother of 4 .. my first child came to me in 1999. Yet, I feel like I have NO idea what I am doing.

I am scared of being the one to take care of him, yet I can't wait to be the one to take care of him. I really took for granted knowing what I was doing when it came to taking care of my own baby. Now I feel insecure in my ability to be his parent. I want him home badly, but I am filled with anxiety about the whole thing. I want to try to enjoy these moments instead of feeling like I am missing out on it by only thinking the negatives about it.

That is much easier said than done.

On the bright side .. looks like someone got this for me from my baby registry at Babies R Us:

Steven's Baby Boom 5 in 1 Diaper Bag - Brown/Green - Baby Boom - Babies "R" Us

This makes me happy. I was looking around today at diaper bags & thinking I will need one really soon. This will be perfect. So thank you to whoever did that. You rock very much!

& if you wanted to see my registry: Babies"R"Us - Baby Registry


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