I am so tired when I get up in the morning. Not as bad as I would be if I wasn't getting my 4-5 hour chunk of sleep. I am so thankful to have a great partner who shares these shifts with me so we aren't dead tired while caring for Milo. I am a paranoid new mommy who doesn't want the rainbow colors to ever leave my life.
Maybe I am an odd one, but every time I hear my son cry, I feel this intense joy & relief. I still day dream over the first moment after Milo was born.. taking a deep breath & holding it. I only let it go once I heard him start crying. It was more than once & while it was tiny, it seemed strong. His big brother only made one cry in his short life. To hear more than one was a huge weight off my shoulders after I recovered from a short, but painful birth.
& every time he would cry so strong in the NICU, my heart skipped a beat. Every single cry felt like a step in the right direction. I don't enjoy my son being in pain or hungry, but every moment he has the strength to cry.. I am reminded on how lucky I am that he is here with me. He reminds me, through his precious little cry, the hope of a new day. & the hope of joy that seems to come into my life since he entered it. I do not forget his big brother. I mourn him. I miss him. & I thank him for giving me the rainbow in my grey skies. Hope has bee restored. Hope has been brought into my life within a baby's cry.