Saturday, October 15, 2011

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

Posted by Leslie at 4:27 AM
My emotions are complicated right now. I guess maybe it's because I have Milo. I am overjoyed that I have him but I am being pulled apart between feeling that joy & grieving for Dexter. Plus the fact we are doing a mini-party for Avery's birthday which is on the 16th. I don't want to spend the day with a plastered smile on my face when inside my heart is still very much broken. It will be 3 years in March.. I can't believe it. It feels like yesterday but still so distant.

I know that reintegrating God into my life is helping. I know for some it doesn't & I believe in their right to be angry. I was there too. & some may never leave that place of anger. I feel angry sometimes, but mostly I ache. Even when a preemie 14 week old baby.. my arms still ache for the son that left too soon. I guess it is a little bit disheartening to know that my skies will never be fully blue. The grey will always be there in some form; despite the sun & rainbows shining once in a while .. it's forever grey.

Today is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. (& really it's ALL MONTH.) I know that breast cancer is important & I fully support it's awareness as well. But those of us who have lost babies .. we deserve to have our children recognized. At least TODAY. So maybe you will join me in remembering them. They were tiny .. but IMPORTANT.

Mommy & Daddy miss you so much Dexter. Thank you for being our son.


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